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Final Words From Tim

December 4, 2011

Oooh, So you’re going to type everything that I say?

You’re going to have to type a lot faster

<Tim says the words> “Maniacal laugh.”

Oh my god. I should have fasted on sugar for two months instead of one before I came out here.

It’s like eating Thanksgiving dinner every meal for three days in a row.

How long have you been left handed?

<Actual Maniacal laugh>

Are these sparkly ponies friends with sparkly vampires?

The worst gas that I ever had was…

Every time I talk about you to them I ask do you remember Mike and Kira. They really don’t.

Do you think that bear knew he died for a good cause.

I was talking about our dinner.

Just about the only movie that sucks more than that is Treasure Planet…

<Collective Gasp>

<Maniacal laugh>

I’ve never had to take three Zantac, but it turns out that’s what did the trick.

Do they have any vampire movies about uncool vampires. I want to see vampire movies where they’re all fat and people make fun of them
like the vampire overeats and just keeps getting heavier and heavier.

They can eat blood pudding.

It’s hard to bottle up this much funny.

<Maniacal Giggling.>

I’m just glad I didn’t have to cold pack caviar for this trip.

I’m surprised Mike still hasn’t written about that fantastic hot dog and scrambled eggs I made at Disney World. Kira didn’t believe I could make that work.

It totally worked.

<Strokes beard, Maniacally>

All I’ll say is you’ve got a stellar bathroom fan.

Best part of being an uncle: saying inappropriate things around teenagers.

<Collective Laugh.>

Eating bear.

It’s true. Having a couple large bowls of vodka filled with olives was pretty good, too. Seeing Mike finish his large project and meeting Mitch and his lovely wife Cynthia.

Your abacus earrings. Best part.

Worst part knowing that Tim and Steve have to leave tomorrow.

What are you doing for homework?

Let me see it.

What’s your test on? Let me see I’ll tell you if you got it right.

<Tim reads test quickly to make me type really fast.>

You have to write essay questions?

<Maniacal Stare>

Thank god I went to a Catholic school I didn’t have to learn anything about the environment.

<Tim reads test quickly again… Like a lawyer>

And that’s how a lawyer would condense all of that.

<Maniacal meow>

Why do animals and children love me so?

It’s cold.

Do you have a desk in your room?

So Kira tell me about the last time you dated the prime minister of Denmark?

I told Mike he would never get in the Guiness book of world records eating the most peeps, but he wouldn’t listen to me.

<Maniacal yawn>

Did I ever tell you about the week I spent at the nudist colony in Canada?

How come none of the Disney characters wear pants?

Who said an evil wizard had to have good hygiene?

Horrible horrible horrible things to you.

Would you ride a sparkly horse?

<maniacal laugh>

I’m trying really hard not to fart.

Did you see that united Russia failed to get 50 percent in their parliamentary elections? I wonder what Putin will think of that?


<help from Melanie>


<Help from Melanie>


Tim says something in Russian <maniacally>

<Mike translates what Tim says. I know no Russian> “That’s very perceptive of you Mike everyone here in Minnesota  is so smart.”

<Long String of Russian>Mike’s translation, “I like vodka.”

<Something unrepeatable.>

Did I ever tell you about the time that Mike had to make extra money by dressing up as the Disney Princess Belle?

Make sure you type that  Kira makes nerdy revisions on facts based on actual timeline.

The wisest man I know, Ed, once gave me sagely advice. Said Ed, never let the facts get in the way of a good story
I’d say these are good words to live by but I’ve already been living by them for roughly 43 years and I can only assume that Ed and I are kindred souls.

Did you grow those pea shoots yourself?

I’m going to miss the Donnellys.

<Maniacal bow>

Last Quote From Tim of the Day:” I didn’t realize I was quite that fascinating, I mean deep down inside I knew…


I know that I said I was going to tell everyone about the party tonight, but I am still too tired to put my thoughts together. Instead I thought it would be funny to create a blog post of everything my friend Tim said as we were sitting around the table. He realized pretty quickly that he could manipulate this to his advantage. Kira agreed to type as he was talking so I didn’t really have to anything for this blog post. I’m not entirely sure it translates well to this format, but we all thought it was hysterical.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. December 10, 2011 7:27 am


  2. December 7, 2011 11:55 pm

    LOL! The humor! The humanity! Such brilliance! Sounds like an awesome weekend was had by all. I bet that Tim guy is pretty lucky to have such amazing friends.

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