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Zombie Buffet

October 31, 2011

One of my favorite parts of this whole blogging project has been all the great blogs I’ve found and getting to know a small slice of someone’s life through their writing. And one of my favorite places where I get to do that is Fix it or Deal. The idea for Zombie Week was very quickly followed by the idea to asking Amy to do a guest blog post. Maybe it was because I first discovered her blog with one of her Zombie-a-Month posts. Either way I was thrilled when she agreed to do a guest post for Halloween. I explained to her that many of my readers here at the Mike/Mitch project complain that they leave my blog feeling hungry. Her mission was to make sure that didn’t happen today. I think she accomplished that goal perfectly (unless of course you are a Zombie.)

When Mike asked me to write a guest post, I was . . . confused, actually. I mean, his blog is full of wonderful, tasty foods complete with photos and directions on how to make those foods yourself.

I don’t know anything about foods. I know about movies and pop culture and zombies.


You know who’s always hungry?

Those rotten, puss-bags are shambling eating machines. It’s all they, um, live for.

And, contrary to popular belief, zombies are quite particular about what they shove into their mouldering mouth-holes. I mean, you don’t hear them moaning “kaaaaale” or “graaaaains” do you? No. Zombies are Team Meat all the way. Preferably the other, other white meat: people. And, if they get a choice in the matter, they like to start at the top and work their way down.

Zombies don’t import their brains from China, either. They get all their glistening gray-matter locally. In fact, quite often, they personally know the cranium they’re chomping on. Talk about “slow food.” For zombies, the slower their food the better. Not moving at all is a bonus. And, while they can’t always find 100% organic, the product is usually free-range and always fresh.

However, the undead don’t slurp up cerebellum and call it a day. That’s just an appetizer. Zombies also love digging into a mess of ribs, gnawing on liver with a side of spleen, sinking whatever teeth they have left into a meaty thigh and even sucking the marrow out of bones. Absolutely nothing goes to waste at a zombie buffet. They take “all you can eat” very, very seriously.

We could all take a page from the zombie’s recipe book: enjoy a variety of different foods at their peak of freshness (still breathing if you can manage it), eat what’s close at hand (even if it is a hand) and eat it all (even the squishy bits). So, the next time you see a zombie bellying up to a banquet of brains, bowels and bladders, give it a thumbs-up (from a safe distance unless you want to lose that thumb) for eating responsibly.

If you are a fan of zombies, retro sign humor, the Monkees, or just like good sarcastic writing then be sure and check out Fix it or Deal.

16 Comments leave one →
  1. November 4, 2011 11:50 am

    Zombies rule! Grerat post!

  2. November 1, 2011 6:52 pm

    “Graaaains” – loved that!

  3. November 1, 2011 4:43 pm

    This makes me reconsider the whole ZOmbie thing: prior to reading Amy’s assessment, I had considered Zombies to be utterly selfish, even borish, in their culinary patterns. Now I see they are earth concious, too. What with free-range, local and organic preferences, they put the rest of us meatheads to shame. Of course, they don’t have to pay inflated supermarket prices for free range organic foods, so maybe I’m not impressed afterall. Or maybe, I should make a slingshot, and start hunting free-range sparrows from my own back yard.

    Beat that, Zombies!

  4. November 1, 2011 11:18 am

    Do the zombies treat artificial parts like gristle and not eat them?

  5. mairzeebp permalink
    November 1, 2011 9:58 am

    “The product is usually free-range and always fresh.” LOVE IT! Great guest post!!

  6. November 1, 2011 9:02 am

    That article about Brains was offal!

  7. November 1, 2011 8:39 am

    Great post! I especially liked the Zombie Food Pyramid, though I believe USDA has now replaced the Pyramid with MyPlate. I know….it’s hard to keep up with these things. Thanks Amy!

  8. November 1, 2011 8:35 am

    Perhaps Amy hasn’t heard that First Lady Michelle Obama has replaced the food pyramid with “My Plate.” She’s concerned about the increase in obesity in teenage zombies, and urges them to cut down on eating fatty…fat parts.

  9. November 1, 2011 7:26 am

    Omg, how scary!

  10. Dad permalink
    November 1, 2011 6:49 am

    Our zombies don’t have to peel their food since it is still balmy in southwest Texas! Not a coat in sight last night as the goblins, ghouls, etc. mashed their way through the neighborhood!

  11. November 1, 2011 6:34 am

    That pic of calf brains just made me throw up a little.

    I never thought about zombies only eating local. How conscientous of them. Organic, too.

  12. October 31, 2011 9:08 pm

    Thanks for letting me infect your blog!

  13. Janet Koplos permalink
    October 31, 2011 8:58 pm

    Well, I think this tops them all. In what, I’m not sure.


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