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Mike/Mitch Project Lite

August 10, 2011

What if I had chosen a healthier cookbook?

When I was a kid some of my favorite comic books were part of the Marvel What If  seriesIt gave the writers a chance to explore a story line that didn’t have to continue or that maybe some of the readers wished had happened. In that spirit I have been wondering what turns the Mike Mitch project could have taken over the past year. I am sure that in some uncertain universe there is a Mike who chose to cook his way through a healthy cookbook. Alternate, Healthy Mike has cooked about as many recipes as I have and has just gone into his doctor’s office for a physical and he’s discussing his life style with his doctor….

Doctor: Wow. Your cholesterol is way down from last year. What have you been doing differently?

Healthy Mike: I decided to cook my way through all the recipes in the Heaven’s Kitchen Cookbook. It’s called Mana From Heaven and has 158 recipes in it. All of the recipes are healthy and flavorful. I’ve never felt better in my life. Last week when I finished my 10th marathon this year I wasn’t even breathing hard. I haven’t been down to this weight since high school and I am falling out of most of my clothes. I am in such great shape I can practically leap tall buildings with a single bound.

Doctor: Ha Ha. So you are getting plenty of exercise then?

Healthy Mike: Are you kidding? If I don’t exercise all of this healthiness forces me to wander around the house doing projects. I try to run at least 50 miles a week and bike 100. Even so there is not a loose screw or squeaky door in our entire house. During February it was too cold to go outside. I had so much energy I resurfaced the cabinets and added a tile back splash in the kitchen.

Doctor: Well it all sounds great.

Healthy Mike: Oh, it is. I eat healthy salads, healthy snacks (like lettuce wraps), healthy meals, lots of fresh food and tons of seafood cooked in light amounts of oil. Did you know you can make mayonnaise with powdered eggs and I-Can’t_Believe-It’s-Not-Butter? It doesn’t have any flavor unless you add some lemon juice and salt substitute, but it sure does hold together the imitation crab meat.

Doctor: That is quite a life changing diet…wait, powdered eggs?

Healthy Mike: The powdered eggs don’t have any fat in them. Much healthier. I’ve learned so much about cooking since I started this project. I can steam kale 18 different ways. I’ve also learned to carve flowers out of carrots and radishes. The kids still won’t touch them, but at least they look pretty on the plate. Did you know there are 8 different recipes for fat free Hollandaise in the Heaven’s Kitchen Cookbook?

Doctor: Fat Free Hollandaise? Does that really work?

Healthy Mike: No, but it sure is healthy. I also started a blog about my experiences cooking my way through Mana from Heaven. It’s called the Mike/Melvin project. The chef who came up with all these amazing recipes is Melvin Remo and he has a colorful past as a nutritionist that fell on hard times. He decided to open a restaurant serving all of his great healthy food, but after the first few weeks he kept getting beaten up by the customers. He decided a cookbook was safer – at least the hate mail only hurts on the inside.

Doctor: A blog sounds like a great way to use some creative energy and maintain a healthy mental state.

Healthy Mike: (starting to get a faraway look in his eyes) The blog started out well, but most of the time these days I sit down to write and my mind blanks out. When I come back to focus I find that I have typed in a single word over and over again filling up the page. It’s not always the same thing, but usually the word is SUGAR, sometimes it is BUTTER or CREAM. That’s normal, right Doc?

Doctor: I don’t like to use words like “Normal” with my patients. After all what is normal? …ah..I have other patients to see so the nurse will show you out. You are in excellent physical health. One of the healthiest people I have seen this year. I hope it was worth it.

Healthy Mike: That’s funny, Doc. That’s exactly what my wife told me when she left me. “I hope it was worth it.” Then she said, “There is no such thing as fat-free Hollandaise! That is just colored water!”

Healthy Recipe #133 : Oh-My-God-Another-Kale- Recipe!

Pretty Good Sustenance Quote of the Day: You may start to crave foods with taste and even a wish to deep fry your vegetables. This is normal and if you keep eating Melvin’s recipes eventually you will just stop caring. Remember,  Keep Kale and Carry On.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. August 12, 2011 1:25 pm

    What If? rocked hard! I still love and buy those books whenever they release new editions. Great post!

  2. minnesotatransplant permalink
    August 11, 2011 1:24 pm

    More porridge, less Hollandaise! Not all lite is light, and not all good is bad. I’m in Minnesota for the week, and I’m hoping to make a stop at Hell’s Kitchen on Sunday. I was thinking huevos rancheros, but now I’m thinking porridge.

    • August 11, 2011 2:25 pm

      The porridge is one of my favorite recipes. Easy to make, but incredible flavor. Not sure how healthy it is. I made the last batch with 1/2 a cup of 40% grade A cream.

  3. August 11, 2011 12:50 pm

    “I can steam kale 18 different ways.” Hilarious!
    That fridge would be pretty depressing if it weren’t for that bottle of vodka lurking in the back. Cut up that pineapple, add vodka and a splash of the club soda. A few of those will make the steamed kale go down easier.

    • August 11, 2011 1:11 pm

      Yea, I figure Healthy Mike drinks. A Lot. He would have to.

  4. Kira permalink
    August 11, 2011 7:17 am

    Mike spent an hour cleaning out the fridge last night for this picture. Blogging is GREAT!

    • August 11, 2011 1:10 pm

      I don’t know what she is talking about – that picture clearly came from an alternate reality.

      • Laura permalink
        August 12, 2011 3:06 am

        I just couln’t stop laughing… then I got to the comments! tears, I’m laughing so hard…

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