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In a Kingdom Far, Far Away

July 20, 2011

From a bird’s eye view we see a mysterious tower hidden in the crags of a misty mountain range. Through an arched window is the visage of an old man hunched over a scrying bowl. In the bowl is a watery image of a young women sitting at a table…eating pancakes.”At last,” murmured the wizard, “after years of searching I have found her.”

In a far away land there lives a Princess who makes the best pancakes in the world and once defeated a dragon. She would soon be Queen when her father the Aged King stepped down and retired to his villa in FloRieDa. She spent most of her days in lessons and during her free time she would ride her horse Buttercup through the big and scary forest near the castle. It wasn’t as scary these days now that the dragon no longer lived there, but there was the occasional giant spider and trolls to keep things interesting. Her evenings were spent with her betrothed reading by the fire or playing cards.

And each morning for breakfast she still made pancakes with the magical Carbon’s Malted Pancake and Waffle Flour. One day she went for her ride in the forest and she was stopped by an old man carrying an ornate staff.

“Good Morning, Princess,” he said, “Don’t you know it isn’t safe to ride in these woods alone. I hear there is a powerful sorcerer roaming the forest on a quest of great importance. He will stop at nothing to get what he is searching for.”

“I have not heard of this sorcerer,” said the Princess, “but he would not be wise to do anything to the Princess so close to the King’s castle and the King’s army.”

Having introduced himself into the story he now felt he could use his magic and the great Wizard transported himself and the Princess to his tower in a land far, far away. He told the princess that he had searched for millennia for the perfect pancake and that she must give him her father’s recipe.

“Not again!” thought the Princess. She was beginning to think that maybe they should just post the recipe on the Magic Net where everyone could download the recipe to their Kindle. At least that might cut down on the kidnappings.

There was little point in resisting so she agreed to make the pancakes for the Wizard. He had not given her any time to gather her ingredients so she would have to improvise. The Wizard had everything she would need in his larder except the magical Carbon’s Malted Pancake and Waffle Flour. She saw that he had some malted milk powder and some sugar so she would get creative and make some basic pancake batter without Carbon’s Malted Flour.

As she experimented with the proportions of this new recipe the Wizard felt the need to share his quest with her. Most recently he had employed an Apprentice to make pancakes for him, but when he left the young Mouse alone he returned to find an army of spatulas swishing around a kitchen flooded with syrup. The Apprentice had tried to use magic to make the pancakes and the Wizard had come to learn that there were no shortcuts to great food. You had to let the recipe be a spell unto itself.

After many days of experimenting the Princess declared the recipe done. She had figured out how much malted milk and sugar to use to replace the Carbon’s. It didn’t taste quite the same, but it was close enough.

She mixed all the ingredients in the Wizard’s stand mixer for about three minutes on a low setting. Then she scraped the side of the bowl and mixed again for three minutes, but this time on a medium setting. The batter didn’t smell as sweetly as the recipe with the magical Carbon’s Malted Pancake and Waffle Flour. She brushed some butter into the skillet and plopped in some batter, about 1/2 a cup. She made a plate of pancakes keeping them warm in the oven as she made them and set it before the Wizard, his mouth watering.

What the Wizard did not know is that the Princess had figured out the altered recipe in the first day, but she had been stalling for time.

As she put the plate on the table she asked the him, “Would you like some pancakes?”

Before he could answer she said, “Too bad! I have been stalling to give my betrothed time to arrive and rescue me and here he is now.”

As the wizard turned towards the window he saw the large shadow of a Dragon flying towards the tower. The Dragon flew up to the window and hovered as best he could by the ledge. He reached out his long tongue and scooped up the stack of pancakes as the Princess climbed aboard asking him what had taken so long. He complained that it was hard to fly as a Dragon for three days after spending so many days as a mortal. It was her wish that had turned him mortal after all so maybe a little more gratitude was in order. While they bantered the wizard was preparing a spell waving his staff around and mumbling something arcane. The Dragon blew fire into the tower disrupting the Wizard’s spell and they flew off into the sunset heading for home and pancakes.

Recipe #111:  Basic Pancake Batter Without Carbon’s Malted Flour

Damn Good Food Quote of the Day: Carbon’s Malted Flour is not readily available at retail stores, so I have tried to approximate the recipe here using malted milk powder.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. July 21, 2011 11:40 am

    Awesome meideval post!

  2. Patti permalink
    July 20, 2011 8:18 am

    So the question must be answered…how do these compare to Nana’s?

    • July 20, 2011 8:28 am

      I think Max said it best, “I like the pancakes that Grandpa Ed makes better, but these are good too.”

      • Patti permalink
        July 22, 2011 8:06 am

        Number two to Nana’s pancakes ain’t a bad place to be!

  3. July 20, 2011 1:53 am

    Brilliant! Xanth and Fantasia, not sure how Buttercup ended up being a horse… and is there some Shrek in here too?

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