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With Great Cooking Comes Great Responsibility

May 24, 2011

Faster than a speeding whisk! More powerful than a stand mixer! Able to crack coconuts with a single pound! …Souperchef … strange masked vigilante who after surviving his fall into a vat of radioactive butter gained  powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men! Souperchef, who can change the course from soup to salad, squeeze lemons in his bare hands, and who, disguised as Mike Kent, mild-mannered programmer for a great metropolitan marketing firm, fights a never-ending battle for truth, Hollandaise, and the Hell Kitchen way!

We join our hero in the Chef Cave as he scans the cities for signs of evildoers on the large monitors before him. The Twin cities are quiet tonight. Too quiet. There are rumors that his arch-enemy is planning something big, but other than the whispers from his vast network of fry cooks and cocktail waitresses he could confirm nothing. The CookBook computer system collated all the information from police districts, sheriff’s offices, fire departments, hospitals and restaurants across the city. And right now the CookBook predicted that everything would combine together in a recipe for disaster.

No sooner had Souperchef finished reading the recipe than the alarm for the First National bank sounded. Souperchef jumped into the Chef mobile and zoomed out of the Chef Cave at 50 mph. (That was as fast as the large catering truck could go and not tip over on the corners.) When he finally arrived at the scene, men in black ski masks could be seen guarding the entrance to the bank. The police had the bank surrounded, but the villains had threatened to feed their hostages a bad batch homemade sauerkraut if anyone approached the building. Luckily Souperchef had other ways of getting in. After feeding all the brave men in blue a quick meal of Reubens and Garlic Coleslaw he drove the Chef mobile around to the back of the building.

He quickly made a batch of the stickiest substance on earth, homemade marshmallow mix. He applied the goo to his hands and feet and was able to walk up the side of the building. Once on the roof he made a batch of egg noodles, using his Chef powers to give them the tensile strength of some really good rope. He lowered himself into the bank through the conveniently open skylight. Before the crooks he was there he threw Chefarangs at each one, knocking them all unconscious. (He made the Chefarangs himself using Homemade Granola and cutting it into little chef hat shapes. In addition to knocking out bad guys it could be included as part of balanced breakfast.) Then he heard the laughter of his nemesis coming from the bank vault. But, it couldn’t be?!? Souperchef had captured the fiend himself and made sure he was locked away in a prison for the culinary insane. He stepped over to the vault and saw that it was him…

The Vegan! (duh duh dun)

“Stop right there Souperchef. I know you bested my Vegetarians, but you’ll never defeat me.”

“What makes you so sure, Vegan?”

“You are no match for my Vegan mental powers.” And with that Souperchef was tossed across the bank lobby as though pushed by a giant invisible hand.

“It will take more than that to keep me down, Vegan, I once wrestled a bear to the ground just so I could cook a bear roast. Something smells rotten here though, this isn’t like you to steal something as mundane as money.”

“I don’t care about money, you fool! This bank is adjacent to Hell’s Kitchen and I am going to break in and replace all the recipes with meat free versions. Mwah Ha Ha Ha! The idea came to me when I realized they made the best Ribs and Bison burgers in the Cities. I knew that if I could stop them from serving such Damn Good food it would strike a blow for Vegan’s everywhere. You see my plot is simple I will … blah blah … blah blah …

As the Vegan went on and on about his evil plan to strip the world of Damn Good Food, Souperchef  deployed the ChefKitchen from his Chef Utility Belt. He prepared a serving of Heuvos Rancheros and offered them to the Vegan. Nobody could resist this savory dish and eating the eggs would violate the Vegan’s code and strip him  of his mental Vegan powers.

“Do you take me for a fool?”, The Vegan scoffed at him. Souperchef was ready for this and offered instead to make the Vegan some pancakes if he would let the hostages go. Robbing a bank and thwarting the people of the world out of delicious food turns out to be hungry work. He agreed. Pancakes are made from flour which is not a living creature he reasoned.

After the hostages where free Souperchef whipped up a batch of pancakes and gave them to the Vegan. “Would you like some pancakes?” he asked as he handed them over. The Vegan stuffed forkfuls of the delicious food into his mouth.”Ha!” Souperchef exclaimed, “Too bad! These are not pancakes they are Lemon Ricotta Hotcakes made with cheese and cream and loads of real butter – you know made from cows – which is not Vegan.” The Vegan was now powerless and Souperchef quickly wrapped him up like yesterdays leftovers and turned him over to the authorities. “Curses! Foiled again,” muttered the vegan as he was hauled away

2 Comments leave one →
  1. May 28, 2011 10:22 am

    i would dearly love to give a vegan some butter.

  2. May 25, 2011 11:11 am

    I’ll bet you have an apron with a big “S” on it!

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