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Once Upon a Time

May 18, 2011

[Queue chiming background music like at the beginning of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast – if you haven’t seen it then I can’t help you.]

… in a far away land there lived a dragon who liked to eat pancakes. He would sit in his cave all day and eat the pancakes that the frightened villagers fed him as fast as they could make them. The dragon was neither evil or good he just liked pancakes and he breathed fire so it seemed wise for the villagers to keep him happy. In this kingdom there lived a great King and his daughter The Princess. The King was getting on in years but he made the best pancakes in the kingdom. Word of these pancakes reached the Dragon and he went off in search of better pancakes as dragons usually do. He made his new home in the forest near the Aged King’s castle and from here he made several attempts to storm the castle and eat all of the pancakes. Unfortunately for him the Aged King’s army was too brave and too strong. They repelled each of his attempts. The Dragon lived in the forest getting hungrier and dreaming of the perfect pancake…

[You can insert a song here about being a bored princess or about maple syrup whichever makes more sense.]

The Princess goes through her routine each morning of putting on a beautiful gown, brushing her hair and then eating a huge stack of  her father’s pancakes. Her life is idyllic so of course she wanted to do something to change that. She isn’t a bad daughter, but she’s been given everything she could want and is rightly bored with life. To fight her growing sense of ennui she decides to go for a ride on her horse, Buttercup. After eating pancakes and doing jazzercize to bad 80’s music, riding Buttercup is her favorite thing to do. She tells her father that she is going riding that day and he reminds her not to go riding in the big scary forest near the castle. There are rumors that a dragon lives there.

Later that day as the Princess is riding Buttercup into the big scary forest by the castle she wonders if her father will ever share the pancake recipe with her. He is rather aged and it would be a shame for such delicious pancakes to vanish from the world. As she is resolving to herself to ask him about the pancake recipe at breakfast tomorrow she is eaten grabbed by a very large and very Hungry Dragon. The dragon is very smart and he knows that he has captured the Princess, but he plays it cool. Once the shock wears off and the Princess realizes that she is not going to be eaten right away she tries to reason with the Dragon. Mostly it is a lot of “Please, Don’t eat me,” with an answering “Why shouldn’t I?” At some point the Dragon must mention pancakes and the Princess asks him, “Do you like pancakes?”

“More than anything in the world. They even taste better than foolish young princesses, if you have the right syrup,” he replies.

Sensing an opportunity the Princess asks the Dragon, “Would you like some pancakes?”

“Yes!”

“Too bad,” she retorts, “if you do not release me you will never get to taste the best pancakes in the kingdom. My father makes them and I know where he keeps the recipe.”

After some haggling the Dragon agrees to release the Princess if she will steal the pancake recipe for him and make him some pancakes. She agrees and they shake on it so now she has to do it.

[Perhaps another song here – I’m not really sure how these things work. Maybe one about stealing the recipe.]

The King was very worried about his missing daughter so when she returned that very same day it took him by surprise. He was even more surprised when his daughter asked him for the pancake recipe. She had decided it couldn’t hurt to ask and that it might be easier than stealing it. The King said he would need to think about it, but the Princess only had 3 days to get the recipe and make pancakes for the Dragon or she would be a slave to the Sea Witch forever never enjoy another pancake as long as she lived or he may eat her – the details were not clear on that point. That night the Princess scoured the castle and found a box under her father’s bed marked Recipe in big gold letters so anyone who found it would know what it was. She spent the next night cooking stacks and stacks of pancakes to get the recipe just right.

On the third day she returned to the forest with the recipe in hand and all the ingredients she would need. The dragon had set up a kitchen for her and when she arrived she began to cook. She mixed all of the ingredients in her stand mixer for about three minutes on a low setting. Then she scraped the side of the bowl and mixed again for three minutes, but this time on a medium setting. The batter smelled great because she had used the magical Carbon’s Malted Pancake and Waffle Flour. She brushed some butter into the skillet and plopped in some batter, about 1/2 a cup. The cave smelled like an ice cream shop making waffle cones as she cooked the best pancakes in the kingdom. She finished the first one and set it before the Dragon, his mouth watering.

As she put the plate on the table she asked the him, “Would you like some pancakes?”

Before he could answer she said, “Too bad!” and she used the Genie’s third wish to turn the Dragon into a mortal man. She then knocked him unconscious with the frying pan and ate the pancakes.

Recipe #91: Cornmeal Pancakes

Choose Your Damn Adventure Question of the Day: If the Princess marries the Dragon when he wakes up turn to page 47. If she decides to have her father’s men arrest him and throw him into a dungeon forever turn to page 78.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. May 24, 2011 10:20 am

    You’d think a pancake post would be flat, but you made it really pop!

  2. May 19, 2011 10:29 am

    wait! wait! what genie???

    but i loved the story.

    • May 19, 2011 12:24 pm

      I was out of pancake pictures so I used a Disney-ex-machina to finish the story quickly.

  3. May 19, 2011 6:42 am

    Sounds like a fractured fairytale to me. Where’s Rocky and Bullwinkle?

    • May 19, 2011 9:25 am

      The story came to me all at once as though told to me by a disembodied voice.

      “Eenie meenie chili beanie, the spirits are about to speak…”

Trackbacks

  1. In a Kingdom Far, Far Away « The Mike/Mitch Project

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