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April 12, 2011

Because I insanely thought we could vacation and blog at the same time I wasn’t able to post this last guest blog with the others. This post is written by my friend and college roommate who wishes to remain mostly anonymous. If anyone asks he wasn’t here and he didn’t write this great blog post. If you are new to the blog (bacon) and many of you (bacon) are you may want to read this to get a little context. If I could share the identity of this author with you then you would already know he is a man of great wit, style, and stories. But don’t take my word for it…

It’s all my fault.  Admittedly, that could be said of many, many things in my life, but in this regard, I’m the guy who rigged Mike’s poll.  Because it was funny.  And I could.  And the thought of Mike making jalapeño-polenta blinis covered in caviar sounded precisely like the type of meal that would require lots of practice.  Practice which I thought could benefit me and my eager tummy whilst vacationing with his family.  And I really like blinis.  And I know something of caviar, comrades.
But my best laid, mischievous plan was torn asunder when a certain equally-mischievous cohabitant of mine decided to narc on me to Mike. And Kira. And to whomever else on the intertubes happened to be listening, or liking, or whatever it is that people do on the facebook nowadays.  Busted, my sentence(s), so to speak, was to contribute the caviar to the cava-jala-blin-extravaganza, help cook, and tell the planet all about the experience.
Easier said than done.
You see, as perhaps I didn’t when I agreed to this, is that the unanticipatedly-difficult to find caviar must be kept refrigerated at 36 degrees farenheit.  Never having kept caviar around longer than it took to eat the whole can or jar, it didn’t occur to me that it would have to be kept cool for very long.  Nor did I know how I would accomplish this task, which would require the caviar be kept cool, at a stable temperature for up to 12 hours, in luggage, in the cargo bin of an airplane.
Now, I have a pretty busy life.  I burn the candle at both ends and that’s just the way it goes.  Free time is rare.  So, there I was with 3 ounces of fine caviar in little ice-filled containers, 8 hours until flight time, needing to pack and sleep and now I needed to solve The Caviar Conundrum.  Stress levels rose.  Did I just ruin the blinis before they even hit the frying pan?   Fortunately for me, there’s a reason my coworker calls me MacGyver.  A late night trip to CVS got me some cold packs.  Cold packs went in an aluminum foil-line glass storage container with the caviar.  Container was packed in cold-pack shopping bag (courtesy of Picard! Hooray, Paris!) with paper shopping bags providing cushion.  All that was packed inside a small carryon and stuffed in my checked luggage at the last moment before heading out the door on our vacation adventure.  A quick prayer and the caviar was on its way.
Nearly 8 hours later, we reached Orlando.  Two hours later our luggage arrived at the hotel.  With great anticipation the caviar was exhumed from its overly complicated frozen tomb and, lo and behold, it survived!  Somehow, I had not yet ruined Mike’s blinis, so that was good.
The real fun was cooking with Mike and Kira.  Wisely, Mike did all of the polenta mixing and jalapeño chopping because I’m very bad at following recipes.  Good at cooking, bad at instructions.  Had I done the prep, we would have eaten fried jalapeño pancakes with polenta topping with caviar-sour cream gelato.  And that would have been weird. Weird like hot dogs and scrambled eggs.  But I digress.  More on that another time.
My first job was to gently fry the blinis gently to a light golden brown.  Mission accomplished!
My second job was to plate the blinis.  I lightly placed a dollop of sour cream at the center of each blini, artfully laid the chives on top of the sour cream, and complemented it all with a nice scoop of caviar .  Easy!  Beautiful! Delicious!
Success!  Pictures taken!  Many, many blinis eaten and enjoyed!  And I got a cool cookbook!
A cookbook I probably should have read before cooking. Because I plated it all wrong.  At least I remembered not to use a metal spoon with the caviar.  I just hope Mitch doesn’t kick my $%*#! ass.  The blinis were ridiculously delicious and combined three of my favorite ethnic flavor profiles.  And gave me a great excuse to use a foodie term like “flavor profile.”  And to spend time with Mike and Kira, their adorable kids (one of whom ate caviar! hooray!) and my mischievous co-habitant, all of whom made for a perfect vacation.
2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 13, 2011 10:54 am

    Too funny! I wish I had your talent to turn chaos into a true work of art. After everything, you made this dish delish! How did you like our lovely city? I trust you were showered with warm greetings. 🙂

  2. April 13, 2011 12:39 am

    You seem busy, but you seem fun.
    I can always see unknowing food on this blog. It is interesting and I feel hungry. 🙂

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